Wednesday 12 June 2019

Santander 100k

I feel like a fraud, setting out my dreams for all to see only to fall massively short. I'm sad to say that I picked up a double dose of tendinitis a few weeks ago which meant a big block of missed running. Just as I was starting to believe again that I could do something respectable at the 100k distance.

Santander is not going to happen. Yes one can never have a perfect build up to any race but if I am to run well at a race so far I need to go in confident that my body will hold up. Unfortunately, I just don't have that confidence.

I am now in a position where I have compacted my issues by seriously falling off the waggon with my diet and my fitness has returned to a very low level. I'm really rather down about the whole thing. This year promised to be great and things had been going so well, I'm just gutted that I have absolutely nothing to show for my hard work earlier this year.

It's going to be difficult to get back on the horse and get going again knowing where I was just a few short weeks ago. Part of me wants to give up. Is it all really worth it? I love to train and I love to feel myself get fitter, I love to race but the heartbreak of not even coming close to my goals is starting to bite. Maybe I'm just never going to be good enough.

It may be a long time before I blog about my running again. For now I hate it and love it in equal measure. My best friend, my greatest foe, my lover, my nemesis. I cant bring myself to put my running shoes on but I also cant imagine never running again. Time will tell and hopefully heal. I want to be able to accept that I may never be as good as I wanted to be. But for now that's quite a hard pill to swallow.