Reigniting the Fire - Week 3

M 70 mins (7:48mm), 40 mins TM Hike @ 15%
T 80 mins inc 60 mins Sub-Threshold (6:36mm), 30 mins TM Recovery (8:34mm)
W 70 mins (7:47mm), 30 mins TM Recovery (8:36mm)
T 60 mins (7:54mm), 40 mins TM Hike @ 15%
F 75 mins inc 7x1k(90s), 5x40s(120s) (6:57mm)
S 50 mins (8:42mm)
S 105 mins (7:30mm)

Total  - 75 miles (7:37mm) Vs 65 miles (7:52mm) last week
Total Training time, including TM Hikes! - 10hrs 51mins Vs 10hrs 32 mins
Aerobic Efficiency - 1121 beats per mile Vs 1226 bpm
Weight - 167.8lbs Vs 167.1lbs

Why do I run? Why does anyone run? One of Life's BIG questions. Allegedly.

About seven years ago, my wife, Hania's grandfather asked her when I was going to stop running. Hania said 'I don't know'. He then went on.. ' why does he run?'. Hania replied 'I don't know'. At this point you may be thinking that I dont speak with my wife at all and we're essentially strangers. That's not exactly true, but for a none runner the thought of running for more than trying to catch a bus does seem pretty alien. Hania is not a runner and nor is her grandfather, Edmund.

If you ask a runner why they run however, there will be a myriad of responses: 'to show I can do anything', 'to keep fit', ' to make friends', 'so I can eat cake', 'to compete', 'to win, 'for pleasure', 'for pain', 'for my health', 'for my mental health'.

I have been pondering the question myself this week, and whilst I will never do the question justice in the content of this blog I wanted to try and get some of my thoughts down in writing. Looking back to 2008 when I first started running regularly it was for health reasons. To be frank, I was a tubby little fucker and just needed to lose some weight. I had enjoyed running at school and so it was a natural decision to buy some trainers and get out again. Before long I start to dream about the next run, getting out there again, feeling the joy of the air moving over my body as I tap out a steady rhythm on the tarmac below my feet. I smile. This is pleasure. My passion grows, I enter races. I get quicker... I realise I can be competitive. The pain of racing and pushing to the absolute limit, feeling so close to death that paradoxically makes you feel so so alive. I cant imagine life without a hoard of running shoes. Running has not just become part of me, it has become what defines me. I run for England at the Marathon. An absolute dream. This pattern needs to continue, until... I break. I can no longer run. I feel lost. I can't chase times in races, my body has had enough. My mind has had enough. I cannot put my head through the stress of a big race again. Not with all that is going on in my busy life. Not with the pain that I feel about grieving for Dad, even though he's still technically here.

This is where I was until three weeks ago. Until I told myself enough is enough. I made the decision, that I was going to comeback... but what for? Was it for times? Races? That may have been my initial motivation, but strangely, it feels exactly the same as those very first steps I took 12 years ago. No expectations, just a will to be healthy again. I am getting healthier and fitter every day, and that makes me feel good. In fact, better than I have for a very very long time.

Why do I run? Because it's ace.

Reigniting the Fire - Week 2

M 70 mins (8:26mm), 40 mins TM Hike @ 15%
T 70 mins inc 50 mins Sub-Threshold (7:14mm), 40 mins TM Hike @ 15%
W 70 mins (8:21mm)
T 70 mins (8:14mm), 40 mins TM Hike
F 80 mins inc 60 mins Sub-Threshold (6:59mm), 40 mins TM (8:37mm)
S Rest
S Long Run - 60 mins Easy, 45 mins Sub-Threshold (7:04mm), 5 mins Easy (7:38mm)

Total  - 64.6miles (7:52mm)
Aerobic Efficiency - 1226 beats per mile.
Weight - 167.1lbs

Dear Dad,

It's London Marathon Day today. Except it isn't. The virus has put the world on hold for a while. That's why I haven't been to see you for over two months. I miss you. I miss telling you what I've been up to. I miss taking you for a coffee and a cake at Booths and telling you all about your beautiful granddaughters and how they are growing into amazing young ladies. I will come and see you again. I promise, as soon as I am allowed, I will be there. I want to see that glint in your eye when you find something amusing, or you are inspired by something I have said.

Why did it have to be you? Why did life have to deal you that shitty hand, firstly with the Parkinson's and then with the dementia? You are a great man, the person I want to be. The person I will always aspire to be. The person I will always fall short of being. You are a man with the kindest of hearts, the gentlest of manners and the passion of a lion.

It's five years ago today since you last saw me race a marathon. It was at London in 2015 and I had a stormer. 2:22:12. It was a PB at the time and I gave it everything. I gave it everything, not just for me but for you Dad. All I wanted to do that day was make you proud. I know I did. It inspires me to think I could inspire my hero.  The tears in your eyes as we met up after the race, having witnessed your son running the race of his life. Deep down, I think I knew you wouldn't be able to watch me at a marathon again and so I had to make it a good one!

I am just getting back into running again having really let myself go. I wish I could tell you about it. I know your words of reassurance would be there. You would tell me that I just have to keep going, keep putting in the work and I will get there. 'All you can do is your best, Jay'. I hear your voice every morning when I put my kit on. It's what gets me out of the door. It's what makes me run with a smile on my face as I work my way back from this state of 'fitness'. I will get back to where I was and I hope with all my heart that I can tell you every gory detail of how I came back from nowhere to realize my dreams.

With love always,

Jay

Reigniting the Fire - Week 1

M 60 mins (9:22mm), 40 mins TM Hike @15%
T 65 mins (8:45mm), 40 mins TM Hike @15%
W 70 mins (8:41mm), 40 mins TM Hike @15%
T 80 mins (8:38mm), 40 mins TM HIke @15%
F 70 mins (8:23mm)
S 70 mins (8:23mm)
S 90 mins (8:08mm)

Total 59 miles (8:34mm avg)
Aerobic (in)efficiency 1353 beats per mile
Weight 165.9lbs

Last week I talked about acceptance of the situation I was in and only I could make the decision to get back on track. It wont come from anywhere or anyone else. The drive to get fit and healthy and hopefully competitive again will come from the fire in my belly. The fire had pretty much gone out if truth be told. It was like a smouldering bonfire on November 6th. I had to add some more firewood. I took the first step to doing that this week. I am motivated, if unfit. Incredibly unfit. I cant remember being so unfit!

I think part of the reason why I have been in such a rut for the past twelve months is that I couldn't see the point in it all. I had beaten myself up when my running wasn't going how I wanted it to be going. Quite frankly, I chucked my teddies out of the pram. The more folks would tell me to keep at it, the less I would want to do it. The more people said that I was a good runner, the more of a fraud I felt. I know I am at a decent level, when fit but I am by no means exceptional. Having thought about things a bit more objectively and reflected on how I like to train, I realise that I was being way too hard on myself. If I saw someone else doing what I have historically put my body through from a training perspective, not only would I be really impressed but I would be inspired in equal measure. I trained bloody hard, I also loved it, I was in love with running, the whole process. And yet it had become such a chore. I was mentally in a bad place, small issues seemed insurmountable, molehills became mountains, slight set-backs seemed like disasters.

I think I had got into a position where no matter how much I did I didn't value how much effort I was putting in. Looking back now, I can be proud of how hard I trained. Perhaps I trained too hard. In fact, I almost certainly did which is why some results were below what should have been expected. I will not train as hard in the future and I will always focus on what I have achieved rather than what I have not. I will, where it is warranted praise myself for doing less. Sometimes less is more. This time I will be smarter.

Good first week, slow but consistent. And the best bit? I've loved every step.

Enough is Enough. The comeback starts here.

I need to sort my life out. For the past few months I haven't been looking after myself at all. Seldom exercising, terribly poor diet, occasionally smoking, drinking way too much and generally being the pre-2007 me. Thankfully I haven't quite got to the size I was then, but I was a very chunky 12 stone this morning (my race weight is under 10 stone). My clothes don't fit anymore. I had to buy a new suit a couple of months ago as I could no longer close the fastener. My t-shirts now embarrassingly rise up around my midriff as I have expanded so quickly.

I now get out of breath climbing the stairs. I look at old photos of me running, running fast, feeling fit, feeling like I was unstoppable. I want those days to return. But they wont if I don't turn my life around and sort my shit out. This spiral has the potential to ruin my life, because I understand myself. I am an obsessive, I am an addict. These traits help as well as hinder me in life. These are the traits that give me the motivation and drive to succeed. These are the traits that also pull me down to the depths of despair and depression. I want to be a success again. Yes I know I will never be the best athlete in the world. But I can be a good runner, I can inspire people, I can help people. I can be a healthier, happier me. Again.

It all starts with the acceptance that 'enough is enough'. Nobody can do this for me. I have to do it for myself. Just like I have done before. I cant set any race or time goals just yet, not least because we obviously have no idea when racing will be back on the scene! I am however on the waiting list for Valencia Marathon on 6th December. 231 days away. Lets see how far I can get!

Santander 100k

I feel like a fraud, setting out my dreams for all to see only to fall massively short. I'm sad to say that I picked up a double dose of tendinitis a few weeks ago which meant a big block of missed running. Just as I was starting to believe again that I could do something respectable at the 100k distance.

Santander is not going to happen. Yes one can never have a perfect build up to any race but if I am to run well at a race so far I need to go in confident that my body will hold up. Unfortunately, I just don't have that confidence.

I am now in a position where I have compacted my issues by seriously falling off the waggon with my diet and my fitness has returned to a very low level. I'm really rather down about the whole thing. This year promised to be great and things had been going so well, I'm just gutted that I have absolutely nothing to show for my hard work earlier this year.

It's going to be difficult to get back on the horse and get going again knowing where I was just a few short weeks ago. Part of me wants to give up. Is it all really worth it? I love to train and I love to feel myself get fitter, I love to race but the heartbreak of not even coming close to my goals is starting to bite. Maybe I'm just never going to be good enough.

It may be a long time before I blog about my running again. For now I hate it and love it in equal measure. My best friend, my greatest foe, my lover, my nemesis. I cant bring myself to put my running shoes on but I also cant imagine never running again. Time will tell and hopefully heal. I want to be able to accept that I may never be as good as I wanted to be. But for now that's quite a hard pill to swallow.

Chasing Dreams, Project Santander

I wrote last week how I thought I just wasn't ready to break 2:20 at the marathon. This may have been true but as it turned out I was either still ill from the virus I had had a couple of weeks before, or I was in the process of incubating a new one. Last week I was very under the weather with more typical cold symptoms as well as a bit of vertigo which was a bit weird. It may also explain the hallucinations I had around 14 miles at London where I inexplicably saw the same person six times (three lots of twins, or sextuplets divided by three if you prefer)! At the time, I was a little freaked out by it and I chose not to put it in my post race blog as it felt like a bit of an excuse and also my initial reaction was that I just wasn't ready. But here's the thing, I know from a fitness point of view I was. I have never been as fit. My mental state was primed and as I said I was so relaxed. I know I have that 2:20 in me and it will come. I will however need everything to come together on the day. One day it will.

For now however, I have other dreams to chase. I am revisiting the Ultra world and having a stab at the Santander 100k in June with the aim firstly to finish and secondly to post a solid time that will put me in contention for a spot at the Anglo Celtic Plate next year. It is the World Championships next year and so it would be a dream to qualify for the GB team so the hard work has to start now. The UK ultra running scene is currently in excellent shape. Good friends Steve Way, Anthony Clarke, Lee Grantham and Robert Turner are all World Class ultra runners and should be on the plane to Winschoten, Netherlands next year. Charles Harpur also posted an incredibly impressive 6:44 winning the ACP this year. I certainly have my work cut out. But I'm up for it and I believe I have the talent, physiology and work-rate to realise my dreams. That said I am yet to complete an ultra, so maybe this is another case of 'Cherriman has bitten off more than he can chew'. I dropped out of the Meridian 100k two years ago at around 85k after some rookie mistakes, so this time I want to ensure I get round and post something solid to move forward with to next year.

The legs felt fine on Monday last week, basically like I'd done a hard long run and not raced a marathon. I took that first week back cautiously (61 miles) especially with the lurgy still in my system. I also enjoyed the time to not give two shits about what I ate or drank. I ate all the food. And drank all the drink. And then I had seconds. And thirds. Our grocery bill for last week must have been in excess of £300.

Drinking all the drink

So Santander 100k, a classic race. One that has seen amazing races over the years with GB Ultra great, Don Ritchie returning on many occasions. The date is 15th June. I have a huge base from my London build up which will support me over the next few weeks. I don't plan to change much at all. Mileage will be high, the long run will be longer, mid week sessions will be easier given the tough weekend long run but essentially, this is a simple sport; the more you can do while staying on the right side of injury, burn out and illness the better. That is my plan.

The Late Great Don Ritchie (6.7.1944-16.6.2018)

Chasing Dreams, Project 2:20 - The Race

2019 London Marathon - 58th UK Championship (2:28:18)

They say the marathon is a cruel mistress. Whoever 'they' are, they're not wrong! I was hoping to just have to do some minor edits to the post I wrote back in December but alas it wasn't to be.


I'm not going to make any excuses. It just wasn't my day. I hit the start line with what I think is the most consistent block of training I have ever done prior to a marathon. I was so relaxed, I even slept for six whole hours on Saturday night. The usual nervous dodgy guts I have on race morning were nowhere to be seen. Hell I didn't even have to take any Imodium to padlock the back doors shut! Today was going to be my day. I could feel it, in fact I could just about taste it.


The gun goes and as Championship runners are no longer afforded a warm up area it was imperative the first mile was easy. It was. In fact everything about the first 5k was exactly as I had dreamed. Feel the effort, ease into it. A few people had asked me before the race what I thought I would run, 'ask me at 3 miles' was my reply. It's a good job no one did ask me the question then as I would have said about 2:20! Never have I felt that easy, even that early. Everything felt perfect. Just as I had planned, just as I had dreamed.

On I go and get to 10k still thinking this is perfect. I was almost smug in how I felt. I've mastered this marathon malarkey, I live and breathe it, I am a guru of the marathon. As soon as these thoughts started creeping in, my legs decided they'd had enough. By eight miles I knew I was in for a tough day. There was no way I was dropping out today, however. I needed to finish this one. For all the miles I had run, for all the months of frustration when out injured, for all the support my family and friends have afforded me in the pursuit of my dreams. This one was getting done. Just make sure it's under 2:30. That's still solid. And that's what I did. I got round in my second quickest London. Was a better time there on the day? Probably, but I almost certainly didn't want it enough, when it was clear that the race of my dreams just wasn't going to happen. To put myself in that hole when the legs weren't having it would have been futile. Sometimes we just have to accept that we are not going to be good enough on the day. With all time goals off the table I took the opportunity to stop in Parliament square for a quick cuddle with Mum, Hania and the girls. God I needed that at the time!

About to be swallowed by the Pride

As anyone that reads this blog will testify, I am quite analytical when it comes to my training. I honestly cant fault anything I did in the build up. I wouldn't have changed a thing. What went wrong? Having had a day to mull things over I'm coming to the conclusion that actually nothing went wrong, I'm just not ready. Yet. The time out, the missed successive marathon campaigns that had become a biannual occurrence had reduced my ability to smash it this time. I'm a better runner than yesterday's result suggests but on the day I wasn't. And that's what counts.

Am I disappointed? Weirdly no. I am so privileged to be able to run and race marathons. So many people would love to run the time I ran yesterday. Some people cant run, some people cant even walk. I am so so lucky that I have my health to be able to pursue these arbitrary dreams when others are less fortunate.

There are no short cuts when it comes to marathon training and one usually gets what their training deserves. Did I deserve more yesterday? Maybe. However, if there's one thing I've learned about being a marathoner is that it's not actually the end result that matters, it's the sheer love and joy of the process. The pursuit of becoming an expert. That's what drives me, that's what I love. I will be better next time. And better again after that. This is just the beginning.