It's been a while since I last blogged and it probably hasn't escaped the attention of regular readers of the blog but thought I owed it to my blog to just check in and say what's going on.
Things seemed to be going well. I was starting to feel quite fit and then all of a sudden I felt massively wiped out and decided to have a few days off running. That few days running soon turned into a 'I'll go tomorrow', then I didn't and so the spiral continued. I have now not run for over a month. It is fair to say that project 2:20 is well and truly buried. At least for now.
I am fairly obsessive as a character, I'm kind of an all or nothing guy and when I started to realise that 2:20 was looking like it would be unforeseeable unfortunately I threw in the towel. This if anything shows the danger with chasing arbitrary time goals, that ultimately don't matter to anyone but yourself. It is too easy to get enveloped by the enormity of the task that every little set back has a compounding effect on your mental and physical state. Of course I have recently switched to a vegan diet although that clearly went to pot once it was officially game over with respect to Berlin. Maybe I was just asking too much of myself? The training, the pressure I have been putting on myself, the diet, some personal issues that I have at the moment that are somewhat hard to deal with. Looking back I have trained very hard for the last three years and maybe my body was just screaming out for bit more of a rest.
I am now in the stage of acceptance. I was incredibly grumpy for a couple of weeks then had a family holiday which I allowed myself to properly relax and enjoy all the things that I would tend to limit myself on (think IPA and Polish donuts). I then came back from holiday but there have still been some ups and downs with how I feel. Dare I say it however, I now feel like I am ready to get the shoes back on and get back out there. Chris Greenwood, a good friend and frankly awesome runner, very kindly messaged me to remind me of why I run. He reminded me of the reasons I started. When I started out running, it wasn't to become a decent club runner who would go on to represent England at the marathon or any other even loftier goals, but to shed a bit of timber and try to get a bit of my self respect back. I enjoyed it, so I kept doing it until I found that I was a reasonable runner. Of course I have always been obsessive and there is an incredibly competitive streak in my genes but I never thought that would be channelled through running. At least not in my adult life!
Dave Archer another friend and runner reminded me that I need to just chill the f^&k out with things and whilst it is easier said than done, maybe I do! Just a little! Yes I have some internal debate in my mind about the vegan diet and whether I can make it compatible with the running I still want to do. I believe that following a plant-based diet is the best for one's health, as well as many other reasons but perhaps I should have transitioned to it a little slower especially given the training that I was starting to put myself through.
The blogging? I love blogging especially in the build up to a race as it's a great outlet for how training has been going and others seem to find it interesting (God help you all!) but I do feel I need to take a break for a short while just so I can get back to the love of running. The simple process of putting one foot in front of the other, the heart pounding and the lungs gasping for air followed by that immense serenity that can only come after a hard run has finished. I miss those things and without them in my life I'm not the same person so I must get back to it as I know how much joy it brings me. Running is a simple sport, perhaps that's what makes it beautiful? We were born to run and I am a runner. I just need to start running again! So please forgive me if there is a radio silence for a while. I just need to get going again.
Right, where are my shoes?
