Chasing Dreams, Project 2:20 - The Race

2019 London Marathon - 58th UK Championship (2:28:18)

They say the marathon is a cruel mistress. Whoever 'they' are, they're not wrong! I was hoping to just have to do some minor edits to the post I wrote back in December but alas it wasn't to be.


I'm not going to make any excuses. It just wasn't my day. I hit the start line with what I think is the most consistent block of training I have ever done prior to a marathon. I was so relaxed, I even slept for six whole hours on Saturday night. The usual nervous dodgy guts I have on race morning were nowhere to be seen. Hell I didn't even have to take any Imodium to padlock the back doors shut! Today was going to be my day. I could feel it, in fact I could just about taste it.


The gun goes and as Championship runners are no longer afforded a warm up area it was imperative the first mile was easy. It was. In fact everything about the first 5k was exactly as I had dreamed. Feel the effort, ease into it. A few people had asked me before the race what I thought I would run, 'ask me at 3 miles' was my reply. It's a good job no one did ask me the question then as I would have said about 2:20! Never have I felt that easy, even that early. Everything felt perfect. Just as I had planned, just as I had dreamed.

On I go and get to 10k still thinking this is perfect. I was almost smug in how I felt. I've mastered this marathon malarkey, I live and breathe it, I am a guru of the marathon. As soon as these thoughts started creeping in, my legs decided they'd had enough. By eight miles I knew I was in for a tough day. There was no way I was dropping out today, however. I needed to finish this one. For all the miles I had run, for all the months of frustration when out injured, for all the support my family and friends have afforded me in the pursuit of my dreams. This one was getting done. Just make sure it's under 2:30. That's still solid. And that's what I did. I got round in my second quickest London. Was a better time there on the day? Probably, but I almost certainly didn't want it enough, when it was clear that the race of my dreams just wasn't going to happen. To put myself in that hole when the legs weren't having it would have been futile. Sometimes we just have to accept that we are not going to be good enough on the day. With all time goals off the table I took the opportunity to stop in Parliament square for a quick cuddle with Mum, Hania and the girls. God I needed that at the time!

About to be swallowed by the Pride

As anyone that reads this blog will testify, I am quite analytical when it comes to my training. I honestly cant fault anything I did in the build up. I wouldn't have changed a thing. What went wrong? Having had a day to mull things over I'm coming to the conclusion that actually nothing went wrong, I'm just not ready. Yet. The time out, the missed successive marathon campaigns that had become a biannual occurrence had reduced my ability to smash it this time. I'm a better runner than yesterday's result suggests but on the day I wasn't. And that's what counts.

Am I disappointed? Weirdly no. I am so privileged to be able to run and race marathons. So many people would love to run the time I ran yesterday. Some people cant run, some people cant even walk. I am so so lucky that I have my health to be able to pursue these arbitrary dreams when others are less fortunate.

There are no short cuts when it comes to marathon training and one usually gets what their training deserves. Did I deserve more yesterday? Maybe. However, if there's one thing I've learned about being a marathoner is that it's not actually the end result that matters, it's the sheer love and joy of the process. The pursuit of becoming an expert. That's what drives me, that's what I love. I will be better next time. And better again after that. This is just the beginning.