T 65 mins (8:45mm), 40 mins TM Hike @15%
W 70 mins (8:41mm), 40 mins TM Hike @15%
T 80 mins (8:38mm), 40 mins TM HIke @15%
F 70 mins (8:23mm)
S 70 mins (8:23mm)
S 90 mins (8:08mm)
Total 59 miles (8:34mm avg)
Aerobic (in)efficiency 1353 beats per mile
Weight 165.9lbs
Last week I talked about acceptance of the situation I was in and only I could make the decision to get back on track. It wont come from anywhere or anyone else. The drive to get fit and healthy and hopefully competitive again will come from the fire in my belly. The fire had pretty much gone out if truth be told. It was like a smouldering bonfire on November 6th. I had to add some more firewood. I took the first step to doing that this week. I am motivated, if unfit. Incredibly unfit. I cant remember being so unfit!
I think part of the reason why I have been in such a rut for the past twelve months is that I couldn't see the point in it all. I had beaten myself up when my running wasn't going how I wanted it to be going. Quite frankly, I chucked my teddies out of the pram. The more folks would tell me to keep at it, the less I would want to do it. The more people said that I was a good runner, the more of a fraud I felt. I know I am at a decent level, when fit but I am by no means exceptional. Having thought about things a bit more objectively and reflected on how I like to train, I realise that I was being way too hard on myself. If I saw someone else doing what I have historically put my body through from a training perspective, not only would I be really impressed but I would be inspired in equal measure. I trained bloody hard, I also loved it, I was in love with running, the whole process. And yet it had become such a chore. I was mentally in a bad place, small issues seemed insurmountable, molehills became mountains, slight set-backs seemed like disasters.
I think I had got into a position where no matter how much I did I didn't value how much effort I was putting in. Looking back now, I can be proud of how hard I trained. Perhaps I trained too hard. In fact, I almost certainly did which is why some results were below what should have been expected. I will not train as hard in the future and I will always focus on what I have achieved rather than what I have not. I will, where it is warranted praise myself for doing less. Sometimes less is more. This time I will be smarter.
Good first week, slow but consistent. And the best bit? I've loved every step.
Well done Jason, think a lot of people will be able to relate to this, but equally a lot of people just won't get it. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteVery best of luck Jason. I also had a bit of a rut last year. I knew what I wanted to do and how to achieve it, I just didn't feel the love when doing the stuff needed to do what I wanted. I'd make excuses - any slight sniffle meant I missed runs, when in the past I'd know it was nothing more than that and not the flu! If I was even a tiny bit tired, I'd miss a run. After a couple of "couple of weeks off to try and get over it", I stopped running altogether at the end of June and just hit the gym for a change of scenery. I lifted weights, used the rowing machine to try and maintain some kind of fitness if running came back into my life. Then a couple of months later, I felt the urge to try running again. It was a small 5K and wasn't fast - though the added strength from lifting weights made me feel the stongest I've ever felt for a run! And I went from there, slowly building it back up, adding proper sessions a a month later. I'm now firmly back in love with running. Maybe this lockdown has helped too - I run every run as if I'm going to come back and find out we can't go outside at all. Anyway, I suppose the point I'm attempting to make is that maybe like me, you just needed a few months away from the sport. And it will come back. I'm running 90-120 min steady runs faster than I've ever done before at less effort than before.
ReplyDeleteGood read and something I can relate to. I have the same obsessive nature but expressed in different ways. After best part of 18 months of injuries I was ready to pack it all in and I couldn't even bear to look at anything running related. The injuries are still there but I manage them, realising my training pathway is just different to everyone else rather than feeling glum and like a fraud. Even now I still struggle with confidence and every run is a battle between getting the 'fix' and demons telling me not to bother.
ReplyDeleteI know it's bordering on being clichéd but I remember reading your blog when I was on my own marathon journey. It was and still is one of the few out there that I was able to relate to. Good luck and hope to read more of your musings!
Enjoying the read Jason! I was always most impressed by the simplicity of your training before Yorkshire Marathon 2014. Nothing fancy, just pretty big miles and two long hard runs a week, and it seemed to work really well for you. Glad you're back enjoying it though, I think that's half the battle!
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